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WELCOME TO YOUR PRIVATE CHANNEL, NINEHEADED. FOR SECURE COMMUNICATION, USE 009.21.328.89 *** NineHeaded has joined 009.21.328.89 <NineHeaded> this is kuzuryuu fuyuhiko. <NineHeaded> you're probbaly better off coming to find me than leaving a message on this piece ofshit. <NineHeaded> but whatever. if it's not stupid,i'll get back to you whenever i open my laptop again. | ||||
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[Fuyuhiko's concern is quite well placed because the very first thing Mahiru does is glance through the slats in the bench and verify that there's nothing beneath it, even though she was here first; she's breathing heavily throughout his speech and just itching for the gap to yell back at him, or wave her arms angrily, it really does look a lot like right before she died. On the other hand, if she weren't the type of dangerous self-destructive person who fell into despair back then, she would never have stayed this close to Fuyuhiko, in the beach house or now.]
Alright, no, sorry, that was--outta line-- [the sentence clauses are erratic, out of order, she's dropping more words now that she's discarded the common tongue altogether] but you acted like you wanted me dead back then and I'm supposed to put that behind me so we can work together, you know? Which is pretty crazy when you put it that way, isn't it! The Future Foundation had to know about that other incident if it happened at our school and they still wanted us to get hope fragments--Do you think without those memories I don't know what it's like, to be some inhuman despairing monster who would kill her own friends and family? I killed my host mom! I dreamed about killing, yeah, my family! I spent days thinking nothing mattered but stalking down the person I could find who was the most like you, Kuzuryuu!
[Her arms cross, and finally the hint of residual bloodlust is gone from her voice - she's a more acceptable and promising type of stern.] Unless there's a miracle in the next, like, month - and I'm holding out hope for that, I really am, you'd better be too - but otherwise both of us are going to be doing that all over again, and we have to think about killing "as few people as possible" instead of "not killing".
[Though especially if they don't roll something like mermaid they might have a chance at scavenging flesh but that's not what they're supposed to get into... Jealous of how much less Fuyuhiko seems to have assimilated these concepts, Mahiru sighs and finally breaks eye contact altogether, folding her hands in her lap. ] I've been worrying so much about how to live here without killing anyone else, about wanting something else more than that. [Mahiru glances up at Fuyuhiko again because - does he know? How serious a hold that sensation has? Did he maybe feel that rush of revenge the same way she wanted to vengefully acquire energy? It really was mostly psychological for her, at least that's what she thought, because she's this awful person desperate for a direction--but does he expect to push through the hunger the way he pushed up the stairs?] I didn't even think of our own dimension like that... how much further we would get if we were all working together with a leader and no opposition... [What opposition? She's thinking of this as what it would be like if the Fog God's followers ran around unhampered. She's been here too long already. For one thing if they were working together, that explains why the first time Mikan fell into despair she didn't kill Hiyoko and Ibuki.] How are we supposed to rebuild the planet from what we did ourselves? With our talents? [Is Soda going to build a machine where she can scan a photo and bring someone back to life?] Like, we were adults by then, we could have been executed for war crimes and that'd be that... but I guess things can't ever be that easy, just like the time the Rotans packed the monsters full of salt didn't work. We have to hold onto hope and do our best, that's what they always tell you to do, even when nothing ever stops because you're dealing with someone as inescapable as that bitch--
[The expression is harsh and perhaps unexpected from Mahiru, matching the way that Makoto and Kyoko talked about Junko without honorific, but there's a sudden flash of guilt in her eyes. Because that's how she learned friendship was never good enough to get you through the day, wasn't it? That her father would never shape up and her mother would never be home all the time and she would never be allowed to move out of the family house or have solace at school she would never escape from that girl she would never have friends and Hope's Peak Academy had seemed like her salvation but it evidently wasn't because that bitch was there too and continued to be the reason Mahiru couldn't even completely enjoy a new group of friends; burn the evidence next time blame herself not that girl who was brought up badly too and didn't deserve to literally die]
So what happens after we find a cure, and stop the gods from bringing in more people, and find a way home? It sounds so simple like that, when it's the furthest thing. I guess - that's all you want from me, right? Fine. I know it's not easy, or okay. This is horrible! I wanted to see the world one day, work in America or go on vacation in Novoselic-- [Not so sure she wants to actually live in Novoselic and she didn't even catch the sketchier stuff Sonia said during the second investigation. Mahiru's fingers are shaking a little, not sure if she's angrier at Fuyuhiko all over again for wanting to take that away from her in the beach house, or at herself for... actually helping to take that chance away from herself by destroying the world in which she lived! How could she do that? Her pictures were enough to get Miss Sato caught - but the world? Why would she get so much attention? With her own mother out of the way? She had thought her life was over and she would have to survive in Ryslig forever. This different emotion - on a much smaller scale it wold be like waking up from a dream where she's dying of thirst and realizing the water is all the way on the first floor - is almost too much for her body to hold. It would be easier if her arms were longer - she folds them behind her back again. No. She's human again for now. They don't have to be weapons.]
Kuzuryuu, you're... [Fine is the first thing she wants to say. That would be an insult. Obviously he's been way less compartmentalized about this whole thing, not to mention probably exposed to much more compelling, graphic evidence that this happened. He's even scarred (more thoroughly than Mahiru knows) from those events on the island. However, there's no denying their circumstances at home have key differences, especially in how important the favor of the gods is to their personal welfare, so she just presses on with that tack.] But me, how am I even supposed to go back to our world?
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[And maybe that's why he's a lot less bothered by the whole idea of turning into a monster than he should be, he realizes. On some level, he already knew that he's really something much worse. Even if he doesn't remember it. Killing people, eating them...it's a terrible prospect and he's not looking forward to it but genocide on a global scale is something much, much worse.]
You're not dead, that's how. Weren't you listening? The whole thing was just virtual reality. Everyone who died...your bodies are still alive in the real world. You're all just in comas now. And since we shut down the program without letting the session complete itself...we have the chance to wake you back up.
[He laces his fingers together in his lap, staring at his joined hands.]
Don't ask me how we're going to do it, 'cause I don't know the specifics. Like I said, I wound up here before I had the chance to wake up in my real body and see what we're dealing with. But even now, I'm sure the other four are well on their way to figuring out how to do it. Hell, they may have even managed it by now, for all I know.
[Hinata's like a super genius now or something. Surely they're fine. Those of them that aren't stuck here, anyway. But that's a road of thought he's not really in the mood to go down right now. He's not sure what being here means for his real body...technically it shouldn't be POSSIBLE for himself, Gundam, and Mahiru to even exist here in the state they're currently in. Trying to rationalize the humanized avatar thing just makes his head hurt.]
As for this monster business...I'm not going to waste my time hoping for a miraculous solution before it has a chance to affect me. People have been stuck here for a year and haven't managed to figure out how to change things. not that I'm not going to give up entirely and not try and help figure out a way to undo things, but...I've already accepted what's going to happen to me. And what I'm going to end up doing because of it. [Killing and eating people. Gross.] I'm not looking forward to it, but I'm dealing with it.
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[She furrows her brow. While it takes her significant effort, she manages to not immediately snap that both the outcome and the prognosis are completely impossible to predict, totally separate from what she remembers of Byakuya's body cold and Teruteru fried to a crisp. After all, that gap of knowledge is why she bothered to meet with him in the first place. And however much more straightforward it would be to hope that either of the Gods would bring them as they did herself and Gundam, that's not what she wants for them. Not a part in this genocide, or the pressure to prevent it.]
So after we deal with this, we might get to see them again...
[Her voice is almost entirely drained. Mahiru has put so much energy into adjusting to peninsula life - she's more than ready to go to sleep during the day after this meeting is over - that she neglected reserving any for later. It's a little admirable that Fuyuhiko has gone through all this, and seen their prospects on the peninsula with as much perspicacity as is possible without death perception, and his guilt hasn't sent him tumbling into the ocean, even if, come to think of it, he has probably never found time to visit Vandare. Sonia is still alive and awake; she probably gave many more speeches about finding resolve.]
We're on the same page. That we have to do our best until then.
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[It's still weird, even being the one speaking the words instead of hearing, to be so fiercely optimistic. To say something like that with such conviction and no real proof. He's always been so cynical about everything, so glass half empty and unwilling to believe in illogical things. But it feels like...if he shows even the slightest doubt that they can achieve their supposedly impossible goal, then he'll jinx it. That he'll let down the other four or otherwise betray them somehow. They'd made an agreement, hadn't they? Not to give up? Not to forget? To make their own future?]
[He exhales with something akin to relief, finally relaxing completely for the first time since he sat down on the bench.]
Yeah, we're on the same page. No giving up. No matter how shitty it gets.