impheired | Voicemail (Cerealia)

Had an x-ray done today. Guess what they found? It was you, safely tucked away in my heart! They said my heart is fine with a friend like you in it. Send this to all the people you love and care for, if you get 5 back no one will break your heart. Xx

What the fuck.

[WHY DID YOU SEND HIM THIS.]

this is a message of friendship, kuzuryuu-kun. it is in your hands now.

No, it's a spam letter. This is the kind of thing that makes people not want to be friends with you. Don't tell me you actually believe that shit.

i believe in it's spirit! and that's what matters. i am sure that my friends will be touched by this, and so will yours!

[so about that "no self preservation" thing]

Had an x-ray done today. Guess what they found? It was you, safely tucked away in my heart! They said my heart is fine with a friend like you in it. Send this to all the people you love and care for, if you get 5 back no one will break your heart. XXX

I'm not forwarding this.

[HE ONLY HAS ONE FRIEND, LEE. Well one fully reciprocated friendship and two "maybe we are sort of friends."]

You send me something like this again and I swear I'm going to break all your fat little fingers so you can't text anymore.

i will respect your decision.

... That's quite a bit of violence over just a little chainmail, Kuzuryuu-kun!
But yes, okay, no more for you!

And my fingers aren't that fat, cooking keeps them slim!!!

[seriously its like the only part of him thats not]

You're not the first person who's sent it to me. It's annoying.
Good. Glad to see we're on the same page.

If you say so.

[FAT FINGERS.]

Oh, are you getting it a lot??? That just means a lot of people love you, you know!
I mean, I'm not sure why they did, but... I suppose I can see how that would be annoying!

[SLIM FINGERS fat everything else]

[Only twice but...twice is two times too many.]

No, it means they're dumbasses who clearly don't know me at all.

[AKA: YOU.]

[The people who really love him know he wouldn't stand for this nonsense.]

Really now, just because someone doesn't know you well doesn't mean they don't like you!!
And I wouldn't mind getting to know you better, myself! Preferably over a meal, of course.
Do you have any favorites that I could make? <3

Not a chance in hell.

[YOU'LL DO SOMETHING WEIRD TO THE FOOD. OR SAY IT'S A DATE.]

[OR BOTH.]

[AND STOP WITH THE TEXT HEARTS.]

Aw, not even a chat at a cafe?
We could talk about whatever you'd like! It's you who would be the topic of the day, after all!! <3 <3

[IT'D BE A DATE but he only openly says that to hinata lets be real

also no the hearts are important to convey his feelings
kuzuryuu needs to know he's trying to be open and harmless, by wearing his heart on his sleeve!!!!]

Had an x-ray done today. Guess what they found? It was you, safely tucked away in my heart! They said my heart is fine with a friend like you in it. Send this to all the people you love and care for, if you get 5 back no one will break your heart. Xx

Thanks for your help the other day!!!!

Definitely not. And stop making those hearts, it's fucking creepy.

[Any and all FTEing needs a chaperon until such a time that Hanamura proves himself capable of controlling his perversion around Kuzuryuu and his delicate sensibilities.]

[WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING. Just...going to ignore the chain mail. It didn't happen. This isn't happening again.]

No problem. Sorry no good came out of it.

... Ah, I thought they were cute. But alright, no hearts!
You are definitely hard to be friends with, you know? But it's not in my nature to give up so easily!

What would it take to get you to say yes, Kuzuryuu-kun? Perhaps the perfect third wheel, like Hinata-kun?

[shsl harmless makes a great third wheel right]

It's okay Athena says weird things like that happen sometimes! She's another member of the Agency, but from the Legal branch. :)

Yeah well what did you expect? I'm the Super High School Level Yakuza.

[Most people do not want to be friends with him. You gotta work for those FTEs with this asshole.]

Or you could just stop being a creep and making it sound like you're trying to take me out on a date.

A date, really? I wasn't implying it was a date, honestly I wasn't! Aha!

[That would've had a lot of stuttering in person, of course.
BUT YOU'RE TEACHING HIM KAZOO maybe he'll be not so gross someday...
He's also not giving up. Not yet!!]

Alright, alright... if you had to choose, where would you like to go?
An outing as friends, that's all!

[ A message pops up in your inbox from an anonymous source. How strange! If you don't delete it immediately, you'll be greeted with an audio message that's quiet, at first. In fact, it's quiet enough that just in time for you to turn it up, it starts to speak. It sounds suspiciously like Xerxes Break if you know him, but at the same time, there's a totally stupid voice being used, since it's not like Break would send this message along. Emily, though? Of course. She's such a gossip. ]

Had an x-ray done today. Guess what they found? It was you, safely tucked away in my heart! They said my heart is fine with a friend like you in it. Send this to all the people you love and care for, because if you don't, then something preeeety bad might happen to them! Heart failure is pretty serious~! Kehehehehehe!!!

(( ooc note ; break is sending this to literally everyone in the game, so I'm sorry... Feel free to figure out he caused it, since it's not like he's trying that hard to hide it. ))

Bullshit you weren't.

[He will teach you the ways of being a prude, just you wait!]

I don't know, just somewhere normal?

[Where do people go to hang out with friends, he doesn't know. He didn't get the chance to FTE with anybody until they were locked in the funhouse. And then after that he just took Hinata back to his room...]

[Hello, my name is Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu and I have no idea how to hang out with people like a normal person.]

Voicemail (Cerealia)

TEXT

i love that this is the first use his voicemail gets.

i feel honored

no, it is i who feels honored

i'm honored by your honor

text;

i'm honored that you're honored by my honor

text;

if this were a wedding, we would definitely be made of honor

text;

text;

text;

text;

text; he's just inching closer and closer to an early grave

text; he really is. slow your roll there, lil meatball

text; never, this meatball will keep rolling

text;

text; winning over kuzuryuu requires a more delicate approach than you are using!!

text;

text; gentle has no place in the kitchen or the bedroom!!!

text;

text; SAYS YOU

text; BUT OF COURSE I AM AN EXPERT IN THESE THINGS

voice;

text; WELL YOU'RE NOT AN EXPERT IN COURTING KAZOO APPARENTLY. YOU'RE FAILING.