impheired | Voicemail (Cerealia)

Wh-whoa, whoa, whoa!

[ Jaune waves his arms at the tiny man, trying to calm him down. He may have also dropped his guitar, but that wasn't because his entrance frightened him or anything, nope. ]

Do you kiss your mom with that mouth? Yikes...!!

I'm not going to even get into how little sense that question makes when it comes to my family.

[Everyone in his family swears like this. And affectionate gestures like kisses...well, they happen, but not as much as they would in a normal family. He folds his arms over his chest, still fixing Jaune with an agitated stare.]

You didn't answer my question, though. What's your business with Peko?

Me? I, uh... I'm....

Uh... well, the thing is, I...

I'm... writing a song...?

N-Now, look, I know what you're gonna say now, but there's just one thing you need to know here!

It's a work in progress.

[He just stares wordlessly in disbelief for a few moments. Are you kidding him right now?]

You're writing a song. About Peko. And you decided to come over here. To her apartment. Without even checking to see if she's here or not. And sing it before you'd even finished it.

[Each statement is punctuated sharply. Like maybe he's hoping one of them will make Jaune realize where he went wrong in all this before he has to spell it out completely.]

Do you have any fucking brains at all?

W-well, of course it's gonna sound bad when you say it like that!

Don't you know anything about romance? At all? Spontaneity keeps the flames of passion alive, y'know.

[ He plucks at his guitar a few more times before looking back at the little boy. ]

...Romance.

[He repeats the word a way that makes it seems as though his suspicions were just confirmed. And then he barks with laughter.]

You really are an idiot! You think a display like this is gonna win her over? And you say I don't know shit about romance? When you clearly don't know anything about the girl you're trying to win over? Fucking incredible.

Y-You don't have to laugh about it! What's wrong with my method anyway?! I'll have you know that this has had a 50% success rate for me in the past!

Well the method is stupid, in my opinion, but it's not really the problem here. [And, honestly, he thinks the 50% success rate kind of supports his opinion...] Clean out your ears, dumbass, the problem is that you think Peko would enjoy this.

[ Who is this guy, her bratty little brother?! ... If he is, then Jaune should rethink his approach here... ]

O-okay...? I mean, I'll admit I'm just kinda shooting in the dark here... But I've been doing everything right so far! And y'know my arms... y-yeah my arms are still injured, so I'm obviously not playing at my best...

[ ... ]

Sssssoo, are you gonna tell me what Peko is into?

[Wow. Do they look like they're related to you??]

Not a chance, I don't even know who the hell you are. You could be a stalker, for all I know. Hell, from where I'm standing you look like that more than anything.

[Peko tells him about all the important people in her life, after all! And, as far as he knows, she's never mentioned this guy. Plus, if he really thought that Peko was the sort of girl who's into over-the-top displays, he probably hasn't had more than two conversations with her.]

W-well, from where I'm standing, you could be her stalker, too! Do you really even live there? Do you know her blood type? I bet you do!

[ So does Jaune, from that time he used her medical records to exchange secret messages with her. Wait.... that wouldn't help his argument though?? It's best not to bring that up. ]

[He gives Jaune a very flat stare before coming out of his apartment entirely, letting the door close behind him. He then pulls his Cerevice out of his pocket, and uses it to unlock the door. Definitely safe to say he lives there.]

Good enough for you? And yes, I do know her blood type. But the funny thing is, she knows mine too. We also know each other's birthdays, what sort of foods the other likes and dislikes, favorite movies...all that fun shit two people who have known each other their whole lives know about each other.

[You wanna try calling him a stalker again, buddy?]

[ so they are related... or something! ]

Well I'm Jaune Arc, and I don't even know my own blood type, so I'm definitely not a stalker! Peko and I fought together recently and, well... sparks flew, as they say. See? Now I'm not a stranger anymore.

Right...she did mention there was somebody named Arc in her group. [And, luckily, she mentioned that Jaune was hurt badly enough to be hospitalized as well. Otherwise, he would have said something much nastier. He's 100% sure the "sparks" are all in Jaune's head though. No way Peko's interested in somebody this lame.] Name's Kuzuryuu Fuyuhiko. Good to meet you, I guess.

Peko mentioned me! This is still so unreal...!

So you understand where I'm coming from now, yeah? That means you can tell me what kinda movies she likes, right?

No, she didn't mention you, she just told me everyone who was in her group. You were nothing more than a fact that she felt the need to share with me and the rest of our class, on the same level with Kirkland, Kamishiro, and Xiao Long.

That said, I am capable of telling you what kind of movies she likes, yes. But I'm not going to.

[ yeah-yeah, he's not gonna listen to most of that stuff. Yang thinks Peko was flirting and Yang obviously knows more than a potty mouthed 14 year old!! ]

You'd rather I stay here all day and play music while I try and figure it out on my own...?

[ That's not what he said... ]

[Scuze you, he is 17. He did just say he and Peko are in the same class!! And he definitely knows more than Yang when it comes to Peko.]

That's not even close to what I said. But I guess I am, yeah. Because that's how romance works, dumbass. You're supposed to figure out what the other person likes and dislikes on your own. Even I know that much.

Come back when she's actually interested in you, and maybe I'll give you a hand.

[ Jaune is pretty sure she is interested... even though she isn't, but he's sure!! If he were less of a gentleman, he would show Kuzu their text thread in which Peko admits she would say yes if a blond guy (Jaune) asked her out. But he'll rise above this delusional child!! ]

You know what, you're right...

...I'm gonna figure out what she likes on my own! I mean, that's what romance is all about, right? It wouldn't be right if you just gave me all the answers. Yeah, I feel it now! The thrill of the chase! Thanks, man!

[ Suddenly, a song routine: ]
At first I didn't know what to do
Then the little guy told me what to do
Peko you don't know it but I think I like you too
So let's go on a movie date for two--

Oh man, it's happening! I need to write this stuff down!

The thrill of the chase? She's a girl, not a goddamn animal! You watch how you talk about her, or I'll fucking gut you, got it?!

...and watch how you talk about me, too! You make another crack about my height, and you won't be able to play that stupid thing anymore.

[At least he's got his priorities right here...]

Do you... always look for reasons to maim or curse at people? [ Nobody called her an animal here... ]

We should probably reevaluate who the dangerous psycho in her life is, heheh. Oh, hey, that was a joke, by the way--!!

[Look he just doesn't like the implication... "Thrill of the Hunt" is not how he likes to hear someone describe the courting process with regards to Peko. Or any girl he actually gives a shit about, for that matter.]

Do you always tell jokes that aren't even remotely funny?

[ He didn't say Hunt either!!! But boy, what a tough crowd... Jaune's running out of things to say that he doesn't think will get him killed. ]

I'll have you know my jokes have a 50% success rate as well! I think we just got off on the wrong foot here. S-Sorry...

...!

Wait! Could it be that you wanna date Peko, too!?

No.

[While he does have very little interest in dating, his reasons for not wanting to date Peko specifically go beyond that. The two of them are a whole different bundle of issues that he's not about to get into with someone who's an acquaintance, at best.]

She's just incredibly important to me. I won't stand for people not giving her the respect she deserves.

[ Kuzuryuu's reasoning isn't lost on Jaune, with him having seven sisters of his own. But he's not here to prove that he's a decent guy, nor is he declaring undying love to someone he barely knows. If wanting to get to know Peko through a date or two is considered disrespectful, he will leave that for her to decide.

...But this is getting all too serious for a guy in hospital slippers and a guitar in his hands!! ]

W-Well... since she's not here... how about we play some Super Smash Siblings? I'm a pretty mean Jigglyfluff!

Voicemail (Cerealia)

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oh my god how did i fuck that up so bad and not notice

don't be a jaune!

i can't help it

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