impheired | Voicemail (Cerealia)

She didn't want to. Even though she was always better than me at everything, even though she deserved the title of Super High School Level Yakuza more than me, her response to that was "I don't want to lead the syndicate. The reason I'm so amazing is because I'm your sister."

[He stares down at his tea, tapping the side of the cup a little.]

That's why I know...that wasn't really her the other night. She's always believed in me, even when I was a selfish, jealous asshole who couldn't accept her words. If she thought I was worthless, she would have taken my place or killed me years ago. She easily could have done either.

[CERES u fucked up.]

[...what do you even say to something like that. This was a bad idea, wasn't it...Kuzuryuu isn't the only one staring at his tea, Gundam clearly not sure how to reply to that. It's this weird mix of feeling like he should offer some kind of comfort, but not knowing even remotely how to do that and also knowing Kuzuryuu probably doesn't want something like that anyway. Probably? It's harder to tell with him than it is with Hinata.

Eventually there's a little hum, though it's hard to tell the feeling behind it.]

A miscalculation on CERES' part, then.

[He would say something like, "it sounds like you have a great little sister then," but...anyone could see that Kuzuryuu already felt that way about her.]

Her talent makes a little more sense with that context.

Yeah, they fucked up big time. I'm not gonna forget this.

[He's trying not to fo the whole revenge thing anymore but YOU KNOW. THERE ARE JUST SOME THINGS...]

Heh, it's kind of a weird talent, isn't it? But they weren't wrong to recognize her for it. There'll never be anybody more deserving of that title.

[Well it's not like anyone could blame him for wanting to seek revenge on CERES anyway. From the sounds of things they kind of deserve it.]

Mmm...it is, though that's not quite what I was referring to. I was merely surprised she received a title like that, rather than one drenched with the same questionable undertones as your own. [Meaning something more crime syndicate-y.]

Hope's Peak truly believed anything could be a talent, though...the stranger ones merely made things more interesting.

[Taking a test sip of his tea before adding, quietly:]

It's a shame I'll never have the chance to know her.

Questionable undertones...

[He's not really offended hearing it described that way because it's...well it's completely true but it's still just kind of funny to hear someone say it like that? Hence why he's just kind of repeating it to himself in an amused whisper, chuffing quietly and shaking his head..]

Yeah...I really wish I could have introduced all of you to her. [...] Though...I guess it's possible some of you met her and just...can't remember.

[Heck, for all they know, some of you were in the same class as her.]

[Good...he wasn't meaning to offend. But that's exactly it, it's very true.

There's a nod in reply at first, sipping again at his tea. And then he sets the cup down, sort of slumping back a little rather than sitting as straight as he had been. That was getting a little uncomfortable and really, did either of them care how good his posture was? Probably not.]

In a place like this, do you believe there's a chance you still could? It's clear they have some data on her, after all. And while we and our fellow classmates may not technically be dead, I have met someone who is.

[So hey...maybe CERES can bring your real sister here sometime? His tone says he's been thinking about this possibility for a little bit now. It's that kind of curious with a slight edge of hope that others might agree with this possibility.]

It's possible, yeah. I mean, like you said, it's all data. It'd just be a matter of backing her up from a point before she died, I'd guess. But... I don't know if I want them to.

[It's clear from his tone and his expression that this is something he's been thinking about as well. He may not have met anybody who's dead, but given how all this data stuff had been explained, he'd eventually thought of the possibility on his own.]

Because what happens...to somebody who's dead when we finally leave here? Hell, for that matter, what happens to those of us who aren't? Are we gonna remember any of this when it's all said and done? Or is it just going to be like it never happened and we go back to our lives as usual?

[That's something he doesn't really like thinking about. Because if it's the latter, then all of this is...really fucking pointless. And pointless is a very close relative of despair and he REALLY wants to avoid those feelings, thanks.]

For people who are dead though...it doesn't really matter either way. They don't have a future to go back to after this. So bringing them here is...kind of cruel for everybody involved, don't you think? Especially for the dead people themselves.

[During the snowstorm, he hadn't been sure if he was truly allowed to feel happy about seeing her again. He couldn't stop feeling that way, of course. Because it's his sister and he never thought he'd get the chance to see her again. Of course he was going to be happy, even if it was only temporary. But there had been a certain amount of guilt as well. Because wow, that's really kind of selfish of him to hope for that, isn't it? And that guilt only gotten worse, and he's only grown more conflicted in the day since the incident. And his next words carry that conflicted sentiment as well, despite how hard he's trying to sound resolute in the matter.]

I want to see her again, I don't think there will ever be a day that I don't, but...more than that, I want her to rest in peace. She can't do that if she's here.

[He's just going to finally pick up his tea and start drinking it now, his eye isn't glassy, you're seeing things. It's just a dust. He's not about to start crying.]

[Gundam's quiet as he lets Kuzuryuu talk, going between watching him and staring at his tea as he listens. And when the heir's finished, he's not sure what to say to that. Because it hits a lot of points that were directly related to what he asked, but also had only a little to do with the conversation before but managed to get dragged in. And it's hard to figure out how to reply because of that.

So at first he doesn't say anything, returning to his own tea instead. He at least gives his classmate an affirmative hum, acknowledging that he'd been listening, but beyond that...he's conflicted. Really, he does agree with the blond. Letting them rest in peace...that's important. A lot more important than what any of them may want, and there's a little stab of guilt when it's pointed out. He sure was thinking of his mother when he'd asked that. Hell, he might just be a little misty eyed himself.

At...the same time though. He knows a handful of students who may as well be dead at this point who might disagree.

When he does speak up, after a few thoughtful drinks of his tea, it's in a very careful tone and he's choosing not to look at the other boy for now.]

Is...that something for us to decide? That it doesn't matter for them? Technically, in the instance you described, it probably seems pointless. But...for them they may disagree.

[That's really not all he wants to talk about, but it seems like the easiest point to start with.]

Well...no, I mean...that's always a possibility, you're right. Some people wouldn't find it pointless. But CERES isn't giving them a choice either way. Not that they're giving any of us a choice, but at least for us, being here is just a minor inconvenience at most.

[And that lack of a choice is crueler in his mind to people who don't have anything to gain from being brought here, assuming CERES is telling the truth about this end of the universe shit.]

If they do end up bringing her here for real, I'm not going to complain about it. Like I said, there's never going to be a day when I don't want to see her again but...I'm not going to hope for it either.

[Okay, that's kind of a lie. He's probably always going to secretly hope for it a little bit. He can't really help it...]

Would they have a choice otherwise? It isn't possible to ask the dead what they want, so whether or not CERES is offering them a choice doesn't matter. They would not be able to answer definitively either way.

[His tea is once again set down, hands moving to rest in his lap.]

A minor inconvenience at most...then what could it be considered for those who have no where else to be and nothing better to do? You, Hinata and the others...from what I've heard, if this could be considered such a thing at most for you, then it is even less for the dead, correct?

[Don't mind that slightly strained quality to his voice that sort of seeps in the more he talks. You don't hear anything like that.]

You have important things to do. Everyone else, however. There's nothing for them to be stolen away from. And...

[What is he trying to say here...he's got an idea, but the words aren't cooperating.]

Nothing for them to return to. So a reprieve like this...it's pointless. But doesn't that pointlessness also make it harmless in the end?

I...

[No. No, it doesn't. It really doesn't. Not the way kuzuryuu's looking at it, at least. Because, in the end, it means that the living and the dead are going to have to go back to being exactly that. CERES might be able to allow them to interact here but...they aren't going to stay here forever now, are they? And as soon as they have to go back to their respective realities...it's going to hurt. It's going to hurt a lot.]

[The truth is, he's not sure if he can deal with having his sister here for a while, knowing the whole time that he's eventually going to have to say goodbye. Especially if she doesn't KNOW that she's dead, the way she had during the snow storm. He hadn't been able to tell her the truth then, and he wouldn't be able to tell her the truth if she'd been brought here for real. That in and of itself would be enough to slowly kill him, but add in an inevitable farewell and...well, it's easy to see how the cons outweigh the pros. And why Kuzuryuu might hope to avoid it.]

[He sighs.]

I don't know. I really just don't have a good answer...to any of this, really. Don't misunderstand though, I'm not saying I'm like...morally opposed to the idea of them bringing dead people here or something. I just think it's kind of an unfair thing to do. But maybe I'm just looking at it too narrowly. [...] Or too selfishly.

[He kind of feels like no matter what he does in this situation, he comes off selfish. It's selfish to wish for his sister to show up, not knowing if she'd be cool with it or not. But it's also selfish to wish for her to NOT show up, just to spare himself some pain.]

But I don't agree that pointlessness is harmless. You've heard about Enoshima, right? She's a fucking stellar example of just how harmful something like pointlessness can be. So just...be careful about that line of thought there, alright?

[Please don't revert to despair, Gundam. He has no idea what did it to you, but there are just certain things that they all should take care to avoid because they can affect anyone.]

[There's a nod at the mention of Enoshima, but that's about all the blond gets at first. Once again Gundam's not quite sure how to reply to that, and what's more is he's not sure he really cares to. He doesn't really want to argue the point any further...the way he's looking at it is all wrong, he's pretty sure, the more he listens to the heir talk. It really is probably better if the dead stay dead in the end, isn't it? ...yeah.

At first he just nods again - this time agreeing to be careful like asked - and starts to work on finishing his tea. It's going to take a little thought before replying to that. It's sort of just a quiet statement though when he finally makes it.]

There is little to misunderstand. I had no feeling that it was out of moral obligation you were disagreeing. You would have been more aggressive with your statements if that were the case.

Edited 2015-05-26 04:45 (UTC)

Ha, that supposed to be an insult or a compliment? [He's...not wrong though, honestly.] Either way, I didn't want you to think I was trying to argue. Because I'm not. I mean...in a way I kind of agree, I just...

[He makes a vaguely frustrated noise. It's confusing and it has his feelings all twisted up in knots and he's just not sure what to think anymore. He sighs and throws his hands up a little.]

I don't fucking know. I'm trying to look it it without bias, but it's hard to do that when she's the first thing that pops into my head. And more than anything else...I don't want anything to happen to her. [A beat.] Not again.

[YEAH BECAUSE SOMETHING TERRIBLE SURE DID HAPPEN TO HER ALREADY AND HE COULDN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT THAT.]

But don't let my hang ups affect what you think. If there's someone you're hoping shows up...keep hoping for it.

Compliment.

[Even if that was a rhetorical question, he feels he should answer. But other than that he just ducks his head a little and shakes his head once Kuzuryuu's done talking, after just a pause of thought. Is that telling him not to worry? Indicating he's not going to keep hoping? Who knows. He's not explaining. After another sip of tea - this one finishing the cup - he replies.]

It's impossible not to view such a subject with bias. I wasn't asking for your unbiased opinion to begin with.

[Wow, you are way ahead of him...he's barely managed to finish half his cup. Too much talking, not enough drinking. Well, he's going to work on fixing that now.]

Mmm... [Can we change the subject? He kind of wants to change the subject.] Do you want another cup? [Of tea, that is.]

[He did a lot of thinking too, so he had time to drink.

But don't worry, Gundam wants to change the subject just as much. Kuzuryuu's not the only one all twisted up inside now. There's a nod.]

If it is not too much trouble, please.

[...but...what to change the subject to...?]

Nah, no problem.

[He takes a swig of his tea before getting up and disappearing into the kitchen again. There's a quiet click as he presumably turns the stove on. The water got a little lukewarm in the kettle, sorry. He'll be back in a minute or so.]

[He really needs to get an actual teapot so he can avoid this problem...]

[Take your time, Kuzuryuu. It's not like Gundam's impatient.

Though while he's in the kitchen, the breeder's going to remove his scarf. Come here little guys, do you want to visit with Kuzuryuu too? Yeah, you're all a little sleepy still it looks like, but putting you on the table should be fine. Let you guys wake up a little while he waits for the heir to return. These little guys are always good for cheering him up...maybe that'll help his classmate too...]

[It's hard not to be at least a little cheered up by adorable fuzzy faces. Not that Kuzuryuu has any idea what the breeder is doing in his living room, but still. He'll appreciate it once he's out there.]

[Which happens in only a matter of minutes, tea kettle in hand again. This time, he thought to bring a pot holder for the damn thing to rest on so he doesn't have to walk back when he inevitably runs out of tea as well. There's a slight pause before he refills Gundam's cup, when he notices the hamsters sleeping in a pile. Aww...cute...]

[Aren't they adorable? They're sort of waking up, easily realizing they are not home with the different smells going on. Maga-Z is the first one to sort of ooze out of the pile, working on grooming his face and sniffing the air.]

Thank you.

[Gonna work on steeping this cup now...reaching over to sort of rub at Cham-P's fat little face.]

And...thank you for having me over, Kuzuryuu. Forgive my poor manners for not having expressed this earlier.

[Kuzuryuu waves a hand dismissively.]

Don't worry about it, it's not a problem.

[He's still grateful! But alright, if you say so. He takes this chance to look over the home again, even if it's small enough that he likely caught all the details in his first glance over. It's more admiration this time than taking in new surroundings. He hasn't yet noticed that San-D is now waking herself up and moving around too.]

Your apartment is very nice.

[Attempt at a subject change from earlier. But it sounds like small talk so we'll see how well this goes over.]

[Clearly the burden of giving San-D her first post-snooze pettings falls to Kuzuryuu then. Because he has no real reason to look around his own apartment, so all his attention was focused on the hamsters. He'll just give her a few gentle pats on the head, since hamdad is obviously too occupied.]

Thanks. That Holo(gm) stuff's actually pretty neat, don't you think? Really makes it seem more like home.

[What a burden to bear that is. Thank you for being the surrogate hamdad while proper hamdad is preoccupied.]

I have not really given it much of a look, admittedly.

[Now turning his attention back to Kuzuryuu and the hams. Oh hello San-D! Are you enjoying that attention? You look like you are, yeah. Adorable.]

It seems a bit...overcomplicated.

[Heavy is the crown.]

Eh, it's really not as complicated as it seems once you actually sit down and set it up. It's pretty user friendly, otherwise I wouldn't have bothered.

Voicemail (Cerealia)

action; the whole first part of this month is terrible for it lbr

action; true. at least it's really only the first part. once you get into the 1/20s it's not so bad

action; soo now i have to make it my goal to send you a 1/20 chain

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action; ki plz. also wow that was supposed to say "see" not "soo" wtf work keyboard

what! and wow yeah wtf keyboard. how did you manage that.

action; you're just silly. AND I HAVE NO IDEA...

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